Tick tock tick tock

Before you have that time to think about what has happened, a month passes, and it no longer matters.

Before you can think about how time flew by, you have another birthday.

It just seems like months have been passing and I don't even know what happened the weeks in between.

Still no luck with the baby making though. Josh and I have discussed names and we decided he gets the boy name, I'll get the girl. I never thought about that before, and every time I think I settle on a name I lose interest in it. I liked Abigail, but it's too common for my liking. I liked Anabel, but at the same time I think it might be too old fashioned. I also, at one point, liked the names Lucy, Antoinette, Alyxia, etc. I just can't decide. Josh found a name he likes the most, and that was Anthony. I like the name Antony, without the "h", because that was the original spelling and pronunciation, and it was the name of Augustus Cesar's and Cleopatra's son. I guess we'll cross that bridge when it comes around. I think of all the girl names I like Anabel the most, because we can call her "Annie" or "Bella".

Still, that's the only thing keeping me smiling nowadays. I feel broken, because we have been actively trying for a long time to have a baby, and no luck. I have researched everything to help us, vitamins, diets, schedules, and nothing. No luck. Yet, there are tons of single mothers that were out for a one night stand getting knocked up, or white trash trailer park junkies getting pregnant and all I can think about is how I have so much love waiting for a baby. We're prepared, we're trying so hard, and nothing. At work, we call the teenagers who are getting pregnant, and the junkies having babies "medicaid babies" because they don't have jobs and so they will milk the system for all it's worth.

We have a plan though.

Josh will have his Law Degree in 18 months. I have my degree and an awesome job. Hopefully, after his graduation we can get out of this town and move into a nice three bedroom house in a better neighborhood.

A side note about this neighborhood: to give you a perspective.... yesterday at 7 a.m. my neightbor, an older guy (60's maybe) was walking around naked in his back yard. One neighbor is a drug dealer, and the other is a family of mexican's stuffed into a run down trailer. I mean, I know that sounds racist, but if I were mexican, I'd stick it to the man, and get out of the idea of the common "mexican", like get a degree and get a big house. They call us racist because they make us racist.

Anyway, as I was saying, I have been fighting to remain an optimist.

Job wise is beginning to look better, I'm getting more hours, and maybe soon get a raise.

Well gotta get to bed.